It is Done

My WoW subscription is officially cancelled. I went ahead and did one post about this already, so I won't rehash the whole thing. I just wanted to say that I finally went ahead and bit the bullet. I'm sure I'll come back to WoW one day, if for no other reason that curiousity. But for now I am done. It is time to move beyond the game.

Being unemployed and having limited money can be hard. It didn't really hit me how limiting it was until today. The BF and I went out and did a little shopping today and while there were several things I wanted to go, I realized that I couldn't really buy whatever I wanted. I really had to limit myself and what I purchased. I've been doing that already, but today was the first time I cam across something that I did really want that I couldn't really afford to get.

It was really a downer.

Overall I think this experience has been good for me. I have always been both an impulsive and compulsive shopper. I have a tendency to just snap something up when I see it and want it and I feel the need to go shopping and buy something on a regular basis. Neither aspect is good. And being unemployed is helping me to curb those twice desires. But it isn't easy.

No words of wisdom today. I don't know if I ever have any words of wisdom actually. Just some blah words for a blah day.

Aaarrrrrr! Shiver Me Timbers!

Yesterday the BF and I had a date. We've been together for over 3 years now, but still feel it is important to go on date when we can. So yesterday for our date we went to Pirates of the Caribbean, On Stranger Tides.

I feel I should give a caveat. I love movies about pirates. I love movies that have big sailing ships. I own all of the Pirates movies and even own the Geena Davis pirate movie Cutthroat Island. One of my guilty pleasures is the movie Captain Ron, not because of the story but because it features a beautiful ship. I'm not sure where this love of Pirates and sailing ships comes from. I grew up in a completely landlocked town and even though we went to the beach a lot on vacations, I don't think I've ever been sailing. So why I respond so strongly to the notion of sailing a ship and being a pirate I'll never know.

I only bring this up to show that I am biased. If you make a movie and put in some swashbuckling adventures, a nice ship, and/or a healthy dose of fantasy magic and I'm going to like it.

As for On Stranger Tides, I really liked the movie. I loved the costumes and the sets, including the ships that they showed. I enjoyed the characters. I liked that they added a bunch of new characters instead of relying on the same old ones. It was definitely time for some new blood. I really enjoyed the character of Blackbeard, who was just a great villain. I really enjoyed the special treasure he kept in his cabin. The story was action packed and had a good pace. For the most part I found it easy to follow along with, though there were a couple of elements I didn't quite get. I thought they had an interesting take on the mermaids, but I would have liked to see some mermen too. Overall, I thought it was a good film.

It is getting some pretty poor reviews unfortunately. I think people for the most part feel a fourth movie was unnecessary and weren't really willing to go along with the adventure. If you like pirates movies and are willing to go along for the ride I think you'll enjoy the film. If you go into it with a negative attitude and aren't willing to go along with it, you will not be satisfied.

Clearing Out the Clutter

I don't meditation as much as I need to. Now I know, some of you out there think meditation is something only hippy dippy tree huggers do. Or something only those crazy Asians do. Or some combination of the two. But I have found that meditation is a great way to center the mind, to get back into balance. Studies have shown it is a great way to relieve stress too. Just stopping for a few minutes and clearing out the mind can be of great benefit to just about everyone.

Unfortunately it is easier said than done.

My mind seems to be constantly running. It is like a refrigerator. It's cooling tubes and frost making doohickeys are constantly in motion, constantly running around make sure everything is staying nice and cold. Or in my brain's case making sure there is constantly some thought rumbling around in my head. And since part of meditation is letting go of all those thoughts in your head, well, sometimes I struggle with it. It takes forever to get my brain to calm down and stop running.

I don't like to tell people what to do. I spent most of my childhood being told what I needed to do and I resented it. I still do resent it. But I will offer advice and my advice today is to give meditation a try. It is hard to do at times, but the simple fact is that we need to clear out the clutter from time to time. If we let our brains get too jam packed with thoughts and half remembered lists and regrets and wants...then we will lose track of the important things. So try to take a moment and do some brain cleaning. Just close your eyes, relax, and try to put all those thoughts out of your brain. And let go of all the clutter in your mind.

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

I have played World of Warcraft since the game launched in November 2004. That comes out to be over 6 years. Not once in those 6 years did I cancel my account. Even if I didn't play for several weeks or a month, I kept the account active. Now, however, I am thinking of cancelling it.

I could rant on and on about the many reasons I have for cancelling. This current expansion has flaws, at least in my opinion, flaws that have sucked the enjoyment out of the game for me. From the extremely overused villain group, the lack of new zones, boring quests...it has all lost its spark. I would like to dump all the blame on the lackluster expansion. But it is more than that.

I think after over 6 years of the game, I'm just tired of everything it has to offer. I don't want to raid anymore. It takes up too much time and the current raids, well, they don't thrill me. I don't care about achievements. I can't stomach the repetitiousness of daily quests. I actively hate the PVP in WoW. And I don't care anything about doing the questlines anymore. Yeah they got changed a lot in Cataclysm, but not enough. It is still the same old, same old. I've done it all before, or at least it feels like it.

I used to play WoW to see what new thing they were coming up with. And as of this expansion...well...I don't really feel like I have anything new left to see. Even the "new" mounts I see in game just look like reskins of mounts I already have, or have seen.

As much as I would like to blame the game and its faults, it may also just be that I've changed. WoW used to be a big social outlet for me and I don't use it as such. I have friends and plenty of social things to do outside of game. And as nice as my guild mates are, I don't have any personal connections to them. Not anymore.

I haven't cancelled my subscription yet. Given all I have said before I don't know why I am having trouble doing it. I made it to the actual page today but I didn't click the button. Breaking up is hard to do. This game has been in my life for a long time now. Even though I know it is time to leave, it is hard to press that button.

7 AM is Early

Back when I was employed, I normally got up around 7am, sometimes earlier, to get ready for work. Since becoming unemployed I have developed the habit of sleeping in till 8am. Not a big deal. I mean, that's only the difference of an hour right? Well this morning I had to get up at 7am to make it to the Worksource office so I could go to a training. And let me tell you, I missed that extra hour of sleep. I'm sitting here now and I feel tired. I slept fine last night, so I know it is just the fact I had to get up early.

Because 7am is so early.

Last night was a very good night. I had class, which I just love, and I got to present a short story so we could workshop. I got a lot of excellent feedback. I think I'm a bit of an odd duck, because I love getting criticism. I really want to improve and to be a better writer, and getting feedback is one way to do it. So I just can't get enough.

Next week is our last class and I am already sad about it. Hopefully though I will be taking more classes next month and will get started on the program I want to do for my career change.

And so life progresses. We continue to have a shitty spring here in Seattle, with today being in the high 50s and rainy and overcast. Joy. I hope things are better where you are.

Work work work

I have been writing my ass off today. Tomorrow is my writing class and I volunteered to workshop a second short story. I didn't get a chance to work on it over the weekend so today has been a major day of work on it. I started working on it at 10am, took an hour and a half break at lunch to eat and brush his Highness, Prince Smudge, and then worked on it again. I think I have averaged 5 hours working on this one story today. And I have loved every minute of it. Well, almost every minute of it. ;-) I still have to finish the current changes I've made, then do a second read through to see if there is any more tweaking I need to do. I'm really liking it so far so I am hoping for a lot of positive feedback.

I already went over all the work we did this past Saturday. Sunday was a little lighter on the work front. We slept in till 8:30am, then Michael made breakfast and we relaxed for a bit. Then we went to have lunch with friends and that lasted till close to 2pm. Then we came home and made sausage balls, since I had some sausage I needed to use up, and I played some Star Trek Online. Then we went over to our friends' house for dinner and to watch two episodes of Game of Thrones.

I love that TV show so much. I knew HBO did good TV, but each week that show just blows me out of the water. It is one of the only shows I can think of where every week, after the uninterrupted hour of show ends, I go "OMG, has it been a hour already?" I literally lose track of time and can not believe that we have already been watching the show for an hour. That is how good it is. I find it rare these days that a show can absorb me to the point where I don't look at my watch to see what time it is ever so often.

I can not wait for the next season of True Blood too.

So yeah, busy busy busy. Thankfully this coming weekend we have no plans. I may try to talk the BF into seeing Pirates of the Caribbean, but we'll see.

And that's that. Enjoy!

Desk Renovation

This weekend has been a super busy weekend, which is not what I had thought it would be. More on the weekend later though.

Saturday was taken up with the Desk Renovation project. I had thought it would take a couple of hours in the morning. I was very wrong. We started around 9am. This is what the desk looked like:

I set to work cleaning everything off and moving the computer components into the living room. That took a good thirty minutes after which both the BF and I moved the hutch portion of the desk off and into the living room. We moved the shelves into the computer room and moved the desk and began marking on the wall where we wanted to install the shelves. Once we got it marked out we removed the wrapping on the first shelf and laid out all the needed bits. That is when we discovered that Ikea, in their infinite wisdom, decided not to include the screws needed to secure the shelf to the wall.

Bugger.

So we quickly got ready and loaded up and headed to Lowes. By the time we got there it was already 11:15am. The BF conferred with a Lowes employee to deteremine what screws we needed, then we paid for them and left. We ran by Wendys on the way home for nummy fuds, and got home around 12pm. The BF had to leave by 12:30, 12:45 because he was going to help friends with some yard work, so we quickly stuffed our bellys with our food and set to work. By 12:50pm he had both shelves up, but they were not fully screwed into their supports. He left and I set to work finishing the screwing.

Now I freely admit I am not one for manual labor, so it was probably 1:15pm before I finished with the screwing. My hands and shoulders were throbbing from the effort, so I paused to take a quick break. After about 15 minutes I went back to work. I vacuumed around the desk, dusted off the computer, dusted off the desk, moved the desk back into position, reassembled the computer, and slowly began loading the desk and shelves back up with stuff. I finished at 3pm and this is the result:

I am very happy with the way it turned out. I think it looks very crisp and clean. However, it took far longer to accomplish than I anticipated. I blame myself for that. By trying to be cute and calling it a "renovation", I ensured that it would take longer than expected and cost more too, since we had to buy screws. I mean, what renovation do you know of that ended on time and came in on budget?

So that was my desk renovation. Like I said I am very happy and am enjoying my desk space a lot more.

More about the weekend tomorrow!

Flotsam and Jetsam

So some random things that are floating at the surface of my brain today. Enjoy the variety!

I went to Ikea yesterday. I know amongst some Ikea has a bad reputation. It is said that their stuff is poor quality and not worth the money. I personally love Ikea. I think walking in their warehouse is a bit like going to the Disneyland of Home Decorating. I love their little room mock-ups and I find simply walking around the warehouse to be inspirational. And I disagree that all of their stuff is low quality. I love getting their bookcases, which do seem to last a very long time. I think they have good desks and some of their kitchen wares looked great too. I doubt I would use them for beds or couches, though their couches looked alright. So I've never understood why people are so down on Ikea. I think they are just great.

The night before last was writing class and instead of having class we all went to listen to a sci-fi writer speak. Friend Christy and I went and had dinner beforehand, which was great fun. And the talk was interesting. He read some from one of his brand new, not yet released books and then answered some questions from the audience. I took away some good ideas from his talks about his writing methods, though I am still not sure that his books are quite for me. I may pick one up and try it, but since my shelves are overflowing with books for me to read, I may not.

I can't remember if I've talked about it here or not, but I am seriously thinking I'm going to be taking a technical writer certificate course soon. This writing class has really reminded me how much I enjoy the craft and from what I've researched technical writing is a good way to write and make money, which I sorely need to do. I am quite hopeful it works out.

We are finally getting to the end of the "Fall" TV season. I put Fall in quotation marks because it seems sort of ridiculous to call a TV season that starts in mid-Fall and stretches through winter and into mid-Spring a Fall TV season. I also find it ridiculous to call a show that runs through Fall, takes a 4 to 6 week break in Winter, and then resumes one season of a show. If you are taking that long of a break you might as well call it two seasons and be realistic about it. Regardless, our main shows are winding down which means having a nice break to get caught up and get ready for new shows this Summer. I am actually thinking I want to cut down on some of the TV we watch. Some of it just isn't that good and I have so many other things I could be doing.

Oh and one final note for those that might be curious as to the previous debate. For now I will continue my writing in the living room. That may change once I finish the desk renovation, but for now the laptop is winning out on the desktop. Part of it is the keyboard but also part of it is due to the fact that I like to have all my writing saved to one machine, instead of having to worry if all of the versions are the same across multiple machines.

Experimentation

I'm still experimenting with where I prefer to do my writing in the apartment. It may seem to be an easy decision, but it is actually more complex than you might imagine.

For example, we have the keyboard issue. My laptop keyboard is softer, and made of a metal finish. It is quite easy to press down on the keys and makes a particular clicking sound when I type. In contrast, my desktop keyboard is harder and made of plastic. I am required to exert more pressure to press down on the keys of the desktop keyboard and they make a more obtrusive noise when I press them. Based on those issues I prefer my laptop keyboard, however the desktop keyboard is wider, which means my hands fit on it better.

Then there is location issue. My desktop is located in our computer room, which is a somewhat small room. There are only two small windows in the room, which means less light. And while I am planning a desk renovation coming up, currently my desk is a mess and not very pleasant to sit at. By contrast, the laptop sits in the living room, which is wide and open. It is located next to a huge window with lots of light, but not enough to cause problems seeing the screen. However I often find the huge window a distraction and as I've noted before, having the giant TV staring at me from where I sit gets distracting.

Then there is the cat issue. The cats like to bother me from time to time during the day, either asking for love or attention or both. When at my desk this means them jumping up on it, trying to lay on my keyboard, smacking me in the face with their tails, or meowing right in my face. When at my laptop in the living room, however, I can manage them a little better by pushing them off to lay on my legs on the ottoman or pushing them to an arm of my chair. Much easier to deal with them in the living room, though it should be noted that I think they bother me more when I am in the living room.

And yes, I have been accused of over thinking things before.

So now you see my dilemma. Or perhaps you don't. If that is the case, then maybe you see how my brain normally works through issues and can get a sense of how I function. Every angle is considered and processed before a decision can be reached.

And yes, I know full well that I am crazy.

Warm Cat on My Feet

Pumpkin is currently laying on my legs sleeping. I know for a fact I should not let him sleep. If I do it will mean that tonight, when I'm tired and just want to relax, he will be awake and full of energy and begging me to play. If I let him sleep now I will pay for it later. And even though I know this for a fact, I can not bring myself to wake him up. He is too cute and it is so nice having this bonding time with him. He is definitely not a lap cap, so having him sleeping on me is a very rare and special thing.

Today it seems as if the weather can't decide what it wants to do. It started out overcast and cold, and there is still a 30% chance of rain all day, but currently it is sunny out. I doubt it will stay that way long.

So far my big accomplishment for the day, other than bathing, was to update my passwords for my various online services to more robust and secure ones. For those that are gamers, you may have heard of all the problems Sony has been having lately with the PSN. The more I read about what was happening, the more concerned I was about my own internet security, so I felt it was time to do some updating.

I highly recommend everyone take the time to make sure their passwords are secure. You can never be too safe.

Thor

Just a disclaimer, but most of this post is going to be about the movie Thor. I don't think I will be saying anything that is a huge spoiler, but just in case, if you haven't seen the movie realize you are reading at your own risk.

First off let me say that I really enjoyed the movie. Was it the best comic book super hero movie I've seen? Probably not, but it was really good. The director did a top notch job,as did the actors and set designers and just basically everyone involved with the movie. I loved the visuals, I was rooting for the actors, and this was basically a world I wanted to live in.

I'm a huge sucker for mixing the magical and the technological together. As the famous quote from Arthur C. Clarke says "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." And Thor was a movie that embraced that quote fully. The Asgardians are shown to be more technologically advanced than us, up to a point that what they can do seems like magic. The rainbow bridge, Odin's staff, even the giant Destroyer robot, all appear to be some advanced technology and mystical creations at the same time. I can only marvel at how well the two aspects blended together. I want to watch the movie again just so I can take in all the details more.

I also really enjoyed the character of Loki. I thought the writers and the actor did a great job of portraying him and giving us enough details that we got into his skin. I empathized with him and by the end I felt more concerned for him than I did glad that he got defeated. Of course like all good villians he will be back, and that makes me happy.

My only two quibbles with the movie are that whenever the focus shifted to Earth the movie seemed to slow down a bit and I thought the whole romance sub plot felt a little unnecessary. Don't get me wrong there. If I had a smoking hot Norse god fall into my lap I'd be all about him too. But they seemed to be forcing them into this romance that just wasn't there, especially in the end. I can buy that the two of them were in lust, that they thought the other was cute and wanted to try dating the other, but I don't buy that they suddenly had this connection and they became completely infatuated with each other. At least they didn't start throwing the "love" word around.

Over all, I'm going to give this movie 4 stars out of 5. It was good enough that I will probably purchase it again when it comes out. I doubt I will go see it again in the theaters, but that is mainly because funds are tight at the moment.

Sun in the Sky

I feel like today's title is part of a song lyric, but I have no clue what song. I like the phrase though, probably because of the alliteration. I love alliteration. I use it as much as possible. Just something about stringing similar words together just causes such happiness in me.

Today is one of those rare sunny days here. The weather channel says it will get up to 65 today and I believe it. I'm not normally one for sun, which I think I've posted before, but there is just something about a nice sunny day like today that you have to like.

We only have two events left in this week and then we are done. Wahoo! Last night's get together went very well and the apartment looked great. I will freely admit I confined my cleaning to the living room, kitchen, and bathroom and didn't touch the computer room or bedroom. We can just close the door to the last two rooms and nobody has to go in. Lazy of me, since they really needed cleaning too, but I don't care. They will get done eventually.

I haven't done any writing since Tuesday. Horrors! Wednesday I was just too lethargic and yesterday I was too worn out from cleaning. The plan is to do some today, but the sun is trying its best to distract me. *shakes fist at sun*

One last note: I love the Vampire Diaries. I just got done watching a episode and was just blown away. Every episode the writers find some twist, some completely unexpected thing to make happen and I'm left with my mouth gaping open wondering where the hell they are going to go with this. And I love it. I highly recommend it for anyone who wants a good show about vampires and supernatural beings. And who isn't watching True Blood, which is also a great show about the same subject. Vampire Diaries is for the teen crowd though, which means marginally less blood and sex. Just marginally though.

Switching It Up

I'm trying something new today. Instead of sitting in the living room writing out my post on my laptop, I'm sitting in the computer room writing it on my desktop. I'm switching it up, trying new things. Living on the edge.

I am such a rebel.

While I enjoy sitting in the living room and using my laptop for writing, it is not exactly a place free of distractions. I sit next to a giant open window and I often find myself gazing out it as I post and losing my train of thought. Sitting in front of me is our TV, which I try to keep off while writing, but even in the off position I still find it distracting. It is like some looming black monster that is begging for me to turn it on and use it. It is very co-dependent like that. It lives to be used and abused by me.

Maybe changing my writing location was a mistake. Only two paragraphs in and I've veered dangerously close to S&M territory.

Moving on, last night was writing class and it continues to delight and inform. I spent two hours yesterday going over my story and cleaning it up and I was fairly pleased with it by the end. It was still rough around the edges but it was better than when I first wrote it. And it was pretty well received, at least in my opinion. I got some really good criticism and I know what places need work now. I am a little torn as to whether to work on it anymore or not. I think it is a good story, but not the best I am capable of and I don't want to spend too much time on a story I may end up doing nothing with.

However, writing is a process and the best way to improve is to go about the process. I could only learn more by editing it further and even trying to submit it. Plus I have a tendency to be really hard on the stories I write, so it may be that this story does have merit.

So in the interest of being decisive and proactive, I have decreed that I will edit the story again and see if I can find a place to submit it. There, done.

Something tells me that is easier said than done.

That Old Feeling

Today was the first day since I was laid off that I woke up feeling stressed out. Now don't get me wrong, there have been other days I have felt anxious about various things. But today was the first day that I can recall that I woke up with that feeling that I have this 1,000 pound weight sitting on me and I don't know how to get it off.

Tonight is the class where I have to present a short story to workshop. And while I have the story finished it is nowhere near where I want it to be. I still have all afternoon to work on cleaning it up, which I will, but I can just hear the countdown clock clicking down behind me. We all have a bit of a delusion that writing is easy, but it really isn't. It is a time consuming process that takes a lot of effort. And never has that been more apparent to me than now. I am fairly confident I can get the story fleshed out and ready in time, but it is definitely worrying me. But I'm telling myself that the whole point of taking this class is to be a better writer and they aren't really expecting the story to be amazing and that I can only get better. So it won't be bad.

On top of all that though I also have a fairly socially packed week. I have class tonight, and then Thursday we have friends coming over to hang out a bit. And while that doesn't seem stressful, the problem is they are coming here which means we have to get the apartment cleaned and ready for visitors by Thursday. So that means cleaning on Wednesday and Thursday on top of the job hunting I need to do those days for my unemployment. And then Friday we have our gaming group, and Saturday we are going over to another group of friends for a little mini-party. And all that is on top of any writing assignments I'll have for my class. Yikes!!

Thankfully nothing is life threatening and all of it will be fun to do. It just feels like I won't have much time to do anything else. I do not miss this feeling of being stressed out. It is nice to be busy I suppose. Having a social life is better than not. I just wish it wasn't all crowded together like it is this week. Feast or famine folks, feast or famine. >.<

The Enjoyment of Silence

When I was growing up, my parents were never much for playing music in the car, Dad in particular. Even to this day he does not like listening to music in the car. Mom I remember listening to some music on the car rides into school when I was little, but for the most part our family car rides were silent. When I was a teenager and in college I resented this. I was really into music and would not drive anywhere without music blasting in the stereo.

The older I get the more truth I find in the adage that we become our parents as we age. These days I very very rarely put on any music in the car, or even at home. Something that used to be a huge part of my life is now only a small fraction. In fact, I rarely listen to any music that I don't hear on the TV show Glee first.

I have come to appreciate the value of silence. I don't listen to music in my car because I like to listen to my thoughts. When it is silent my mind is free to roam and I am able to focus, free of distractions. And I think that is the key for me. I like music, but I find myself almost enthralled by it sometimes. I get caught up listening to the beat and to the words and I can not pay attention to much of anything else. I have too much going on in my life to be like that for long stretches of time.

I know some people write to the sound of music. I have never tried and I just don't think it would work. I think I need the silence to get the words flowing. My brain simply works better when there is silence.

I was thinking of this topic today because the BF is back at school and I am left as the only human here in the apartment. And even when he is being quiet or in a different room, there is like this background hum to the apartment. Something about him just disrupts the silence for me. I have to get him out of the apartment to achieve the total silence that I like.

Saturday

Back when I had a job I used to look forward to the weekend. I was so unhappy where I was and one of the only things that made the job bearable was knowing that the weekend was coming.

Now that I am unemployed, Saturday doesn't really feel any different than any of the other days. The magic of the weekend is gone. I no longer wait with baited breath, hoping that tomorrow will be Saturday. In essence, every day has become Saturday for me now.

Well there is one big difference I suppose and that difference would be the BF. During the week I don't see him much because of school. He leaves before I get up and at least two days a week doesn't get home until 10pm, which means he promptly has to go to sleep. On the weekends, however, I see him from the moment I wake up till the moment I go to bed. It can be a bit of an adjustment.

Sidenote: I currently have an orange cat cuddling against my leg, sleeping. I know I shouldn't let him sleep. I know I will pay for it later. But he looks SO CUTE that I can't help myself and I let him sleep. /sigh I am such a soft touch.

Today has been a good day. I won't say that today has been very productive, but neither has it been a complete waste. I did manage to get things done today, but not as much as I probably should have. But some is better than none, and I definitely did get some done.

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. Sadly I won't get to spend it with my own mother, but we will be going to the BF's mother's for a late lunch and some hanging out. I may not get to post tomorrow, so if I don't I'll see you tomorrow.

Good night.

A Cool, Crisp Fall Day

In May, here in Seattle, we are currently having what I would consider some nice Fall weather. The skies are overcast, there is a hint of rain in the air, and it is cold enough that I have to sit here wrapped in a blanket to keep warm. In May. Apparently we have just decided to skip spring all together. I am finding myself very curious as to what this summer will be. We don't normally get any heat until around August, so it will be awhile before we can tell.

Yesterday got better. I went over to my friend Christy's to write and chat and it ended up being a good day. I really enjoy going over there, even if we don't get as much writing as we need to done, because Christy has such a different point of view on some things than I do. It is very refreshing to pick someone's brain and get new ideas and a new outlook on things. And it is always fun to gossip.

I feel very calm today. I'm not sure why, but my mind just feels relaxed and, honestly, fairly blank. I don't feel excessively stressed or worried about anything and I don't have any major issues rolling around in my head. I suppose this is a good thing.

I feel I am close to figuring out what I want out of life. This has been difficult for me for several reasons, but I feel like I am getting close to figuring it out. At least for right now.

I think that is all for now.

Bad Day

You know you are in for it when you wake up at 8 and after only an hour of being conscious you are already having a shitty day.

So I get up, feeling groggy and a little out of it, start my microwave breakfast, and then go to check my email. That is when I discover something is wrong with our internet. I try to go to Facebook and get sent to the Comcast page asking for our account number. Which I don't have because the BF takes care of the cable and he has gone paperless with it. >.< So I decide to watch TV with breakfast only to realize that it isn't just our internet, but our whole cable is screwed up. And I can't do anything to fix it until I talk to the BF because I know none of the account information.

Bugger

Thankfully someone who lives near us has a wireless router signal I can borrow to use briefly, so I was able to get on and check email. Only to discover a friend I had on my list who I had always considered to be very high-minded and considerate of others posted a comment where he was spewing derogatory terms against overweight people. This completely floored me and pissed me off all at the same time.

The comment was in regard to a video he posted were a woman was talking about obesity as a civil rights issue. I won't comment about the video. I did not watch it and my problem was not with his viewpoint about obesity, for the most part. I problem was the fact he used the phrase "Own it fatties".

I do not understand, and have never understood, why people use such hate filled, mean spirited language towards other people. I understand being angry and calling someone else names. It is done with the intention of hurting them, of making them feel pain. But what I don't understand is when people do it in an off-handed manner, which is what I assume the incident in question was. Do people not stop and think "Well, if I use the word fattie, overweight people might be hurt so I better not"? Do people not care how their words affect other people?

And I don't understand why it is okay to poke fun at overweight people. I have struggled with my weight my entire life and I can tell you first hand how hard it is for some of us to control our weight. It has very negative effects on our feelings of self esteem and self worth, effects which are only increased when people make fun of us. And yet people think it is okay to say such words just because being over weight is a "choice" (which I think is a debatable opinion in itself).

It frankly just boggles my mind. And to have the issue throw in my face first thing in the morning was very unwelcome.

I hope the day improves. It should since I am suppose to go hang with my friend Christy and do some writing this afternoon. But right now I just want to push the fast forward button and put this day behind me.

The Writing Class

Last night was our second writing class and in my opinion it was just as great as the first. We did less writing in class, but we got a lot more notes and we had our first story workshop. I didn't present a story, but it was good to hear the other stories and pick up notes from them. One guy that presented had an interesting world, but he was lacking on description and threw a lot of new terms and ideas at the reader right from the get go. It really made me realize that it is important to give readers some kind of point of reference. Don't just make everything alien and throw it all right in their face from the beginning. You need to give them something they understand as well, so they don't get so lost.

I almost can't describe how much I am enjoying the class so far. I really like the teacher, I think she has good information to present. I like how small the class is. I like the subject matter most of all. Not only is it a writing class, but it is a writing class about writing Sci-fi and fantasy stuff. That is so my genre. I can come up with the most off the wall idea and nobody would really bat an eye.

There is something to be said for taking a class where you actually care about the subject matter too. When the BF first started culinary school and started taking his classes he talked to me about how right it felt to be there, how he could feel in his soul that he was doing what he truly wanted and needed to do. I kinda feel that way about this class. Of course, having never really felt that before I can only assume this is what it feels like.

Next week it will be my turn to workshop a story. Thankfully I already know what I am doing and have the story mostly planned out. All I have remaining to do is write it.

You know, the hard part.

I hope the writing class continues to meet my expectations. We've only had 2 classes and the sad part is that we only have 4 more to go. I wish it were longer. I really enjoy having the opportunity for feedback and having a reason to push me to write. If the class were free I would just take it over and over again, but alas. So I shall just make the most of it while I am there.

The Human Jungle Gym

My cat Smudge has been in rare form today. Ever second he has been awake he has spent meowing at me, begging for attention. First he had to rub his face all over my hands, getting cat snot all over them in the process. Then he had to be laying in my lap, forcing me from the computer desk into the living room so I could sit with him. It takes him a while to get comfortable, so he had to move from my belly to my lap to my outstretched legs and back again several times before he was satisfied. He then settled down for a nap.

Enter my other cat Pumpkin, aka the Troublemaker. He decided he needed cuddling too, so he comes up to be petted on and I pet on him. Then he decides he wants to lay between my legs where Smudge is so he moves down and cuddles up next to him. Sometimes, some very rare times, they will lay there together. Most of the time though Pumpkin starts cleaning Smudge, which then escalates to biting Smudge, then the two of them end up "playing" for a few minutes. This is what happened today.

After "playing" Pumpkin runs off, mission accomplished, and Smudge is back to meowing at me and wanting attention. However the recent bout of playing apparently upset his tummy and he paused to barf a little liquid on the carpet. After that, he meowed a little more, then settled on his pad in front of the window for a little sun. Cue the Troublemaker, who is sauntering back into the living room as I type this.

Is it any wonder that I have trouble focusing on anything at home? The only quiet time I get is when they are both asleep, however if I let Pumpkin sleep during the day he will keep us up all night. Smudge will sleep 18 hours a day. Pumpkin only seems to need 4. The other 20 hours he spends finding new ways to make noise and bother his parents.

I suppose all this searching for meaning in my life is pointless. I have a job already, and it is to be jungle gym for my cats to play with. I exist to amuse them and they don't let me forget it.

Now if you will excuse me, I have to go get Pumpkin and keep him from opening the hall closet and laying on all of our clean towels.

There is a Price to Pay

This weekend I was completely and totally lazy. I had a list of things to work on, and beyond getting out a couple of times to visit with friends, did I do any of them? No. I spend the entire weekend glued to my computer playing Star Trek Online, since it was double experience point weekend in the game. I managed to get my character from Commander to Captain in that time, but that was about it.

Normally I justify my lazy days. We all need days where we just veg and don't think about life. Our lives get so hectic and stressful that without these days we would just collapse into a quivering pile of goo. So I don't think you should feel guilty about having lazy days. However, as I am currently unemployed and not really busy during the week, I don't know that I really needed to be that lazy.

Regardless, the damage was done. And as nice as it was to be lazy those two days, I had a price to pay for it today. Since I didn't get anything I needed to done during the weekend, today was spent scrambling to clean the apartment before the inspection people came, get caught up on emails, get rent ready and paid for, put away laundry, and get my homework for writing class tomorrow done.

Procrastination is great until you run out of time.

I also squeezed a trip to Target in there so I could pick up some curtains for the bedroom. Our cat Pumpkin loves to play with the blinds at 4am in the morning, so we are putting curtains up so he won't be able to anymore.

And one final comment before I go. This weekend, beyond being a lazy weekend, was simply gorgeous. Yesterday it got up to around 65 and it was sunny and beautiful. Normally I am not a sun person. I like it overcast. But after so many gray days it is nice to have a bit of sun. Of course it is back to overcast and rainy today. This is the Pacific Northwest after all. We can't over do it with the sun.