Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Aches and Pains

I woke up this morning with the muscles around my collarbone aching. I have no idea why. I'm not the most active person in the world. Yesterday the most I managed was walking around Target and Costco. The only thing I can think of is that I had an intense dream last night about dancing. I was part of some dance class and we were doing this rigorous routine with lots of twisting and twirling around. So maybe I was flailing around in my sleep?

Either that or it is just old age pain, which given that I'm only 30 I find hard to believe. At least I hope 30 isn't when you start getting old age pain.

In other news, I added an old friend from college to Facebook yesterday. He posted a bunch of pictures our time at the university this morning and I browsed through them while I ate breakfast. Those were some good times. My memory isn't the best so I don't remember everything, but I remember having fun and how happy I was. As I looked through those pictures I wished for nothing more than a time machine so I could go back to that time.

College wasn't all fun and games, I know that. There were bad times along with the good. But at least at college I felt like my life was full of potential. I had been a star student in high school and with all the various disciplines and courses taught at college I felt I could literally be anything I wanted there.

I've always tried to live my life with no regrets. I never wanted to look back at my life and wish I had done something different. And yet, I do. When I was at college I had an awful time trying to figure out my major. And instead of going for the degree in the area I loved, I decided to go for what I thought was a safe option. I tried to go for a major in something I thought I might like and that I should be able to make money in. Instead I ended up with two degrees in a field that is neither.

It is hard to live with the knowledge that you've made a mistake, a very serious mistake at that. It is hard to look back at your past and wish for a do-over with all your heart. But I have to live with it. I have to move past it. I have no other choice.

And at least I can say that other than career my life is good. I love the city I live in, I love my friends, I love my BF. I am happy with most of my life. And if I hadn't made the choices I had made, I may not have ended up here. I can't say with any certainty that if I had made a different decision my life would be better. I suppose it is more important to focus on making this life better.

Though if I ever get my hands on the Tardis, just watch out. ;-)

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Where Have You Been???

I come back to you today, with my head held in shame. In my defense, I never intended to stop blogging as long as I did. It was just something that happened naturally over the course of events. I'll give you the lowdown on what has happened this past month I've been gone and try to explain why I haven't been blogging.

When last we left off, the BF had just come back from his trip to China. I was so happy to have him back I skipped a few days of blogging just to get more time with him. He had a wonderful time overseas and had lots of stories to tell. A bit more troubling was his talk of wanting to go back and his dreams of maybe moving there. I'm sure China is a wonderful nation and there are some perks to living there, but I can't think of any. It definitely is not one of the few nations I want to move to. Thankfully since then I think the BF has come to his senses and doesn't want to move there permanently anymore. He is still talking about going back though, for a visit, which is a whole other, much more acceptable beast.

The day before I was to pick the BF up at the airport, I got called in for a job interview. For a company where two of my friends work and where I want to work. I was quite nervous but also excited to get this opportunity for the interview. Unfortunately it was set for the day after the BF got home. And did I mention that I started a class at Bellevue College that week too? After all this hit, I found myself stressed to the max. I went from having no balls in the air to having a bunch. But it is better to be busy than bored, right?

The interview was nerve-wracking, but welcome. The agency and the people who work there seemed more amazing than I can say after my last job. Everyone was nice and welcoming, they talked about how much they loved their jobs and their work, they had all these fancy electronic devices and free bottles of water. It felt a bit like a dream. I thought the interview went well, though I know I dropped the ball on a few things, and I left feeling positive and hopeful for the first time since I was laid off. I was suppose to hear something the next week and I looked forward to posting to the world that I had finally gotten a new job.

It was close to a month before I heard anything back and when I did it was that they had decided to hire someone else. The first week of my wait went quickly. I felt very optimistic and was confident that I would get the job. Still, with the job sword hanging over my head and with my new class, I found I was unable to focus on anything for long, much less try to form a coherent blog post. The second week I started to worry and by that Wednesday I called to follow up. I was told they still had someone to interview and would let me know something the following week. I relaxed a little, but was still worried. The third week passed with no call and I had a bit of a small breakdown from the anxiety. It was the Wednesday of the fourth week that I got the call they were going with someone else.

Other stuff happened during that month. There was the 4th of July and the start of True Blood, which is one of my favourite shows on TV. There was a camping trip in which I learned I don't really enjoying camping (I kinda already knew this). The BF had a couple of interviews during this time, which didn't amount to anything, though he has finally landed a part time job working as a teacher/kitchen assistant at his former school. I finished one class at Bellevue College and started a second. It will end next week. But regardless of all these things, the past month has been defined by the interview and the waiting to hear back.

To say I was devastated would almost be an understatement. I had felt so positive about the job, and had looked forward to it so much that not getting it felt like a blow to the chest. In hindsight it shouldn't have been so surprising. I had no experience and was lacking some key skills, which I'm sure other applicants had. Regardless, I was brought low by it. Unfortunately, or thankfully depending on how you look at it, the day after I got the news was the BF's birthday and we had a slew of events planned. Events I had to at least pretend to be happy about for his sake. And because of these events and the general happiness of his birthday, I was able to pull out of my funk after only a couple of days.

So it is time to wipe myself off and get back on the horse. It is time to pick up the things I've forgotten about the past month and dust them off. It is also time to re-evaluate my employment strategy. I was laid off in March and since then I have managed to land one interview that went nowhere. That is not good. That is not acceptable. As much as I wish I could just live without a job, that is not an option. I need one to survive. So I need a new plan of attack.

There is hope. There has to be hope, otherwise what is the point. And there will be blogging. No more blog vacation for me! I must get back to putting word to page. And I will.

But there is what has been happening while I was gone. That is the condensed version of the past month. I apologize for my absence. I hope you will forgive me. I was not myself. I would promise to never leave you again, but I try not to make promises I am unsure if I can keep. I will endeavor to get back to blogging regularly. Maybe not every day, but at least 3 times a week. I am back and I hope you all are too.