Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Aches and Pains

I woke up this morning with the muscles around my collarbone aching. I have no idea why. I'm not the most active person in the world. Yesterday the most I managed was walking around Target and Costco. The only thing I can think of is that I had an intense dream last night about dancing. I was part of some dance class and we were doing this rigorous routine with lots of twisting and twirling around. So maybe I was flailing around in my sleep?

Either that or it is just old age pain, which given that I'm only 30 I find hard to believe. At least I hope 30 isn't when you start getting old age pain.

In other news, I added an old friend from college to Facebook yesterday. He posted a bunch of pictures our time at the university this morning and I browsed through them while I ate breakfast. Those were some good times. My memory isn't the best so I don't remember everything, but I remember having fun and how happy I was. As I looked through those pictures I wished for nothing more than a time machine so I could go back to that time.

College wasn't all fun and games, I know that. There were bad times along with the good. But at least at college I felt like my life was full of potential. I had been a star student in high school and with all the various disciplines and courses taught at college I felt I could literally be anything I wanted there.

I've always tried to live my life with no regrets. I never wanted to look back at my life and wish I had done something different. And yet, I do. When I was at college I had an awful time trying to figure out my major. And instead of going for the degree in the area I loved, I decided to go for what I thought was a safe option. I tried to go for a major in something I thought I might like and that I should be able to make money in. Instead I ended up with two degrees in a field that is neither.

It is hard to live with the knowledge that you've made a mistake, a very serious mistake at that. It is hard to look back at your past and wish for a do-over with all your heart. But I have to live with it. I have to move past it. I have no other choice.

And at least I can say that other than career my life is good. I love the city I live in, I love my friends, I love my BF. I am happy with most of my life. And if I hadn't made the choices I had made, I may not have ended up here. I can't say with any certainty that if I had made a different decision my life would be better. I suppose it is more important to focus on making this life better.

Though if I ever get my hands on the Tardis, just watch out. ;-)

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